It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new.
But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful.
There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power.
Alan Cohen
"Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read."
Groucho Marx
The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

Monday, April 23, 2018

Today In Florida

I am in a Southern state where it is not snowy or icy .. it is not that warm today but it is a soft sort of misty winter day down South ...
I want to be Way Down South .. like Argentina.
I want to see Bougainvillea climbing the walls, see hummingbirds darting back and forth , hear Argentine music coming out of open windows, stop at a cafe and have a coffee and medialuna and people watch .. I guess I could just say, I want to go back in time ...go back Home.

Today in Florida  .. chilly, damp, dark cloudy sky ... the total opposite of this photo  above.

The cats are all curled up having their morning naps ..

I am taking a break from having stepped barefooted into something a cat left on the floor ..yes ...this was the morning for me ...
 Scrubbing my foot , then scrubbing the floor, then yelling at the cat who was already hiding.
He knew before he even did it that he was being a Bad Boy !!!
So I do not fall for the pitiful sad me face.
Minette is fascinated ... "wow .. Mom is Yelling "!!!
Merlin .. the old half deaf thing ...  Mama's yelling ? What did she say ?"
Honey, " Well, she isn't yelling at me ."

I have taken a break and looked at various websites online .. shopping, make up, clothes, real estate,
Now time to do something productive ... what ?
I have absolutely no idea.

It wasn't me 

Sunday, April 22, 2018

Those Were The Days

I need to see this sign again, in person.
Today is a very quiet day with sleeping cats and no cars and or dogs barking ( there never are) and just the sound of the wind in the pine trees.
I am comfortable and enjoy the views all the time and forest, what is there not to enjoy ?!

And yet ........ I am so very homesick for New York.

Friends are having babies and building homes and little boys are growing up and big boys are getting older and I am not there to see any of it !!

I am going to do Busy Work today.
Nothing big or very important but the sort that keeps you busy .. well, duh ! .. and when you are finished, you stand back and look proudly at how good it looks or what a good job you have done.

I will call my sister in law, I miss her so much, and we will chat .. for as long as we want ..
She is one of the very few people I know or have ever met that holds no malice, no anger, no grudges against anyone ... she is just kind . And so sweet, she makes you feel relaxed and happier just sitting and chatting with her.
I need to call her.

April in NY ... I remember it snowing once .. I remember the thrill of seeing flowers blooming - finally ! and  planning birthday parties for a little girl whose birthday was in May ..always hoping the weather would cooperate so the party could be held outdoors and not in the house, rooms echoing with the shrill screeches of excited little girls lol
These days ( says the old lady) I would enjoy hearing a few little girls screeching and laughing.
I live in a very sound proof home in a very quiet community .. there are children ... you just never see them or hear them. Some might love that , I notice it .. the missing of children laughing.

I have a grandson .. I want to hear him laugh. I want him to talk to me and tell me about going to school like a Big Boy ..

So what are you doing on this Sunday in April ? How is your weather ? Plans being made for Spring Breaks ? Summer vacation ?

We would go to the Hamptons/ Montauk and rent a house for the summer. One year when my children were small, we rented a house from a NY Radio disc jockey .. he was exceptionally tall so things in the house were different from average homes .. some things were higher, like door knobs etc.
The house was on the Bay so we had our own beach. Much more gentle than the ocean beach which was a couple of minutes walk from the house ..
There is nothing like falling asleep to the sound of the ocean .. surf sounds..
Your skin always feels sandy/salty and your hair never looked so good .... lol
And we will not discuss the freckles.
I saw a photo of myself in those days ... I had a beautiful tan ... ( I shoulda known betta)
and my hair was all sun bleached ..  those were the days ~

Saturday, April 21, 2018

Always Try To Be KIND

I was still living in the New York house .. a large ranch house on an acre of land, backed by corn fields and forests .. houses on large lots next door and across the street.
My husband had just died and I was totally alone. The neighbors came to check on me, brought me something to eat and just generally behaved like Guardian Angels.
I will never forget them and their kindness.

It is a kindness that went a long way in making me able to get up and go about a day .. instead of lying in bed and just weeping ..

A little short drive from my house , was a State Rt that had gas stations, a great hardware store with wonderful kind and helpful people working there .. and there were a couple of wonderful Gingerbread style homes that had been converted into shops ..

One I went to a few times and loved everything they had ... Bath Products, baby gifts and clothing and music, you name it, they probably had it.
The lady that owned it sat behind the counter and chatted with everyone.
The sales ladies were generally housewives looking for a part time job and they were pleasant enough.

I would go there just to be out of the house. To try to distract myself from the sadness and feeling of loss ... not just the loss a person feels when they have a loved one who dies but lost ... I didn't know my way around, I didn't know anyone but the 2 closest neighbors and I lost myself for a while there.
I wasn't Me ... Harold's Wife .. the Good Cook, the One Who Could Always Make Him Laugh .. I was this shadow floating around  ..

I went to the little shop to buy something for a gift for someone. A new baby was on the way, that was the best sort of shopping a grieving person can do ... it is soothing and bound to make you smile.
I bought lotions for the mama and blankets and toys for the baby .. it was all comforting to me.
The sales people/ owner were pleasant and chatty, full of questions and sympathy and made me feel welcome when I would just look and not always buy, although I generally did, always buy ..

Then one day, I hadn't been there in a few weeks, I walked in and thought I would say hello and pick up a bunch of nice smelling bath products. I ended up buying baby presents too ... they asked me how I was and how I was managing, I talked a little while then I left.

I decided a few days later to go back and get some new bath products for the guest bath.
I walked in the door and the owner was behind the counter.
She put down what she was doing and dashed out the back door where the employee parking was located.
But she didn't go anywhere ..
The other two women who were there, started giggling and they ran and hid ..

I was stunned. Confused. Wondering what ? why ?
Then I turned around and said loudly for the 2 hiding nearby, I am leaving now, you can quit trying to hide.

I was hurt, sad , angry and confused .. there was nothing I could do or say. I went home and cried.

I am telling this story because I think I am much stronger than I was then.
I think I was not careful enough when trusting these people to be kind and not just looking for a sale.
Grief makes you behave differently .. I know even now I have to be careful, I lost that little thing that makes you Not Say That ! Sometimes you don't need to Say What You Think !!!
I am working on that .. but this story is one that lingers .. in my mind .. How little it takes to be Kind and how little it takes to be horribly Unkind.
                                           Great Finds .... not so great afterall .

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sunset in Buenos Aires